Winning Doesn't Always Show Up on the Scoreboard
I’ve watched a LOT of soccer this fall. And it’s interesting to see the results from some very different experiences. It’s brought a lot of discussions that seem to be a little too focused on the winning and losing.
Cayden is learning what it means to be a freshman on a college team. His playing opportunities often come late in games when the team is behind. Those are tough circumstances, but they are valuable minutes of exposure. He’s gaining experience, adjusting to a new level, and learning to stay ready for whenever he gets his chance.
Gabriel gets two different experiences in the same week. His middle school varsity team hasn’t lost yet (hopefully I haven’t just jinxed that!) and it’s exciting when he gets to contribute. His junior varsity team has many players who are newer to soccer so they’re learning the game and how to play together, and losses occur more frequently. That gets frustrating for Gabe.
Lucas’s team is working through similar growing pains. At nine years old, he takes losing pretty hard. You want the effort to end with a win, and when it doesn’t, disappointment can overshadow everything else.
That’s where our conversations about “win or learn” come in. It doesn’t mean losing should feel good. A tough loss can make for a tough ride home. But once the frustration settles, there’s an opportunity to ask: What did we learn? What can we practice? As a leader, how can you help yourself and everyone on the team get better? Sometimes the lessons are about soccer. More often the boys ask, “is this a Dad life lesson?” to which I proudly say, “Yes, it is.” I think it’s really important for them to learn how to handle disappointment without taking it out on a teammate, blaming a referee, making an excuse or giving up on themselves.
Having a “win or learn” attitude means encouraging the player who made a mistake. Practicing hard when nobody feels like it. listening to coaches whenever they speak. Staying positive when the team is behind. And giving teammates a reason to keep trying with high fives.
I’m starting to see those ideas take hold with Lucas and Gabe. Helping them recognize that their response to a difficult game can help the whole team feels like a win in itself.
And I’ve had another team to follow through our Financial Planning Intern, Mary, whose senior season at Kutztown University has her playing on a nationally ranked team. She’s a team captain, and working with her, I can absolutely see why. I think Mary has a “win or learn” attitude. A season heading to the playoffs is exciting to celebrate, and it also makes me think about everything that can come before it for someone like Mary: the losses, frustrating practices, setbacks, and decisions to keep working. The resilience and leadership developed during difficult seasons can help prepare a team for a special one like the KU girls are having. That’s a good observation for my boys as well.
My takeaway from soccer season is this: There’s no promise that every loss eventually leads to a championship. But there’s absolutely value in learning how to lose without losing your willingness to work, improve, and support the people beside you. That’s what I hope my boys (and Mary) carry with them long after soccer season ends. We’ll celebrate the wins and feel the losses, but hopefully we’ll find something useful in both. “We win or we learn!” And yes, I’m still reminding myself of that when things don’t go my way in life too.
Writing this, I’m reminded of Ecclesiastes 3:1 which states, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Some seasons bring results we’re excited to celebrate. Others ask us to be patient, work through disappointment, and grow in ways we hadn’t expected. Whatever season you’re in, keep building up the people beside you, stick with something hard, be kind to others, and when it’s not working, come back ready to try again. Because those are wins, too.
Investment Advice offered through Great Valley Advisor Group, a Registered Investment Advisor. Great Valley Advisor Group and Haas Financial Investment Advice offered through Great Valley Advisor Group, a Registered Investment Advisor. Great Valley Advisor Group and Haas Financial Group are separate entities. This is not intended to be used as tax or legal advice. Please consult a tax or legal professional for specific information and advice. are separate entities. This is not intended to be used as tax or legal advice. Please consult a tax or legal professional for specific information and advice.
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